The Mortal Realms remain as sensible as ever.

Previous Issues

Issue 6

Issue 5

Issue 4

Issue 3

Issue 2

Issue 1

Introduction

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THE GREAT RAT CLAIM: VESTER TAKES THE MAW (AND RENAMES IT)

Skaven (Chaos) 50 v 2 Stormcast Eternals (Order)

With terrifying speed and overwhelming numbers, Warlord Vester led his Skaven forces into The Maw, utterly annihilating a Stormcast detachment who barely managed to raise their shields before being buried beneath fur, fangs, and warpstone lunacy.

In true Skaven fashion, no sooner had victory been declared than the rats immediately renamed The Maw to “Drury Lane“. No one knows why. No one dares ask.

Vester, for his part, was reportedly seen gnawing on the realm-map while declaring himself “Master of All Tunnels, yes-yes!” The Skaven hold on Drury Lane is now absolute… for the moment.

—

ORDER CLAIMS THE ISLES OF THE DAMNED: IGNIAS MARCHES ON

Stormcast Eternals (Order) 40 – 23 Nighthaunt (Death)

Fresh from reclaiming the Forest of Bones and raising Fort Ignax, Lord Ignias pressed his campaign forward, setting his sights on the Isles of the Damned, first foothold of Death’s presence in the region.

The Nighthaunt defenders did not yield easily. Bladegeists and Hexwraiths surged forward with vengeful fury, but the Stormcast lines held firm. A bolt of blessed lightning, called down by Ignias himself, reinvigorated his warriors, allowing Prosecutors and Annihilators to sweep through the ghostly ranks.

Even as revenants broke through the centre and struck down Ignias and the sorceress Isha, the remaining Stormcast forced back the tide and claimed the Isles. Dark mists now hang over the region, a reminder that Death still lingers nearby, but for now, Order stands victorious.

—

THE SODDEN CREW BARELY PREVAIL: GRAVELORDS REPEL LU BU

Soulblight Gravelords (Death) 32 – 22 Slaves to Darkness (Chaos)

In one of the round’s most brutal slugfests, The Sodden Crew clashed with The Legion of Lu Bu north of the Bay of Bones. After a gruelling battle, both armies were bloodied and exhausted, but it was Chaos who ultimately withdrew.

The Sodden Crew claimed victory, but at heavy cost, repairing their spectral ship with the broken bones of their enemies. The seas north of the Bay of Bones remain soaked in both salt and blood.

—

—

STRATEGIC SNAPSHOT

Chaos: Vester’s Skaven claim Drury Lane (The Maw).

Order: Ignias‘ forces hold the Isles of the Damned, further stabilising their growing realm.

Death: The Sodden Crew expand northward but suffer heavy losses.

Destruction: Quiet this week. The giants may be napping.

COMING NEXT WEEK

Will Vester hold Drury Lane, or will the Realm shake apart again?

Can Death recover from the Sodden Crew’s pyrrhic victory?

What exactly is happening on Gork’s Chin these days?

And is Lu Bu planning something even louder?

The Mortal Realms remain as sensible as ever.

Previous Issues

Issue 5

Issue 4

Issue 3

Issue 2

Issue 1

Introduction

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GIANTS, GHOSTS, RATS AND COWARDS

Another campaign week comes to a suitably chaotic close as allegiances twist, fortunes rise and fall, and some commanders simply refuse to even leave their tents. The Realms remain lively, utterly ridiculous, and more unstable than a Skaven engineering convention.

Let us review the latest triumphs, blunders, and heroically convenient retreats:

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GIANTS CLAIM THE MAW: TZEENTCH GETS SPEARED (LITERALLY)
Sons of Behemat (Destruction) 42 – 15 Disciples of Tzeentch (Chaos)

While exploring The Maw, the not-brothers Billious and Teddurak stumbled upon a broken staff of a Lord of Change. Naturally, Billious sharpened it into a spear and began throwing it at things.

The Disciples of Tzeentch objected. Loudly. And futilely.

The bird-goat-men were promptly flattened. Only a lone Shaman escaped with an emberstone cluster and the stolen staff, while Billious mourned the loss of his shiny new toy.

Destruction now temporarily controls The Maw, though the swirling Chaos forces loom close behind.

—

SODDEN CREW HOLDS STRONG: GRAVELORDS DRENCH THE CAIRN OF BONES IN VICTORY
Soulblight Gravelords (Death) 39 – 29 Skaven (Chaos)

The Sodden Crew once again repelled a Chaos-aligned Skaven warband seeking to claim the Cairn of Bones. Despite swarming numbers and warpstone lunacy, the Skaven were dragged into the muck by the unrelenting dead.

The Cairn of Bones remains firmly under Death’s clawed grasp.

—

THE EXILES OF THE READING ROOM RETURN: TZEENTCH STRIKES BACK
Disciples of Tzeentch (Mercenaries) 39 – 16 Ossiarch Bonereapers (Death)

Magister Kazem’s Exiles of the Reading Room launched their latest assault into the Cairn of Bones, overwhelming the Bonereapers with precise arcane firepower and rigorous footnoting.

Death’s hold over the Cairn now grows tenuous, as Mercenary influence grows.

—

BLOODY STALEMATE: STORMCAST AND BEASTS CLASH TO DRAW
Beasts of Chaos (Chaos) 38 – 38 Stormcast Eternals (Order)

A ferocious battle between Stormcast and Beasts of Chaos ended in a perfect draw. Neither side yielded, neither side advanced, and both sides departed bloodied but unbowed. The Realms remain unchanged, but significantly messier.

—

GIANTS SMASH IRONJAWZ TO CLAIM THE SWAMP OF BONES
Sons of Behemat (Destruction) 52 – 12 Ironjawz (Mercenaries)

In their second rampage of the week, the giants crashed through the Swamp of Bones, stomping the Mercenary Ironjawz flat.

Destruction now technically controls the Swamp of Bones, though only barely. Local observers compare their hold to “trying to carry soup in your hands while sprinting.”

—

THE MAW WHISPERS: NIGHTHAUNT CLAIM BLOODLESS VICTORY
Nighthaunt (Death) win by concession over Maggotkin of Nurgle (Chaos)

In perhaps the most cowardly surrender of the war thus far, the Maggotkin took one look at the ghostly Nighthaunt forces and simply refused to fight.

Without a single swing of a scythe, the Nighthaunt reclaim The Maw. The battlefield was haunted anyway, just for practice.

STATE OF THE REALMS

—

STRATEGIC SNAPSHOT

Destruction now holds the Swamp of Bones (barely).

Death clings to the Cairn of Bones while regaining The Maw.

Chaos continues to surge and scheme but suffers costly setbacks.

Order holds its ground, but pressure mounts on all fronts.

Mercenaries remain deeply embedded in the politics of arcane meddling.

RAVAGED COAST WEATHER REPORT

Forecast courtesy of the Collegiate Arcane’s least stable meteorologist

The Maw: Misty with 80% chance of regret.

Cairn of Bones: Bone-dry with patchy Skaven outbreaks.

Swamp of Bones: Consistently damp, surprisingly slippery.

General Outlook: Chaotic with scattered doom.

The Unofficial Voice of the Woehammer Path to Glory Campaign

Previous Issues

Issue 4

Issue 3

Issue 2

Issue 1

Introduction

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CIVIL WARS, RAT SWARMS, AND UNDEAD VICTORIES — ROUND THREE BREAKS THE MAP

As the Mortal Realms erupt into the third campaign round, one might hope for peace, diplomacy, or even just a quiet patch of unclaimed real estate. Instead, we got Skaven tunnelling through the floor, Stormcast fighting Stormcast, Lu Bu yelling at dragons, and a new fort being founded in a rain-drenched graveyard.

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LU BU VS. DRAGON: CHAOS HERO YELLS ENTIRE ESSAY WHILE KILLING A BONE MONSTER
Soulblight Gravelords (Death) 56 – 18 Slaves to Darkness (Chaos)

The newly named Cairn of Bones was shaken this week by one of the most dramatic duels the campaign has seen. As the Soulblight Gravelords unleashed an undead dragon upon the Slaves to Darkness, the Chaos warriors promptly fell apart, except for Lu Bu, who delivered a monologue so powerful it may have echoed into Ghur.

Charging the dragon alone, Lu Bu battled the beast across four turns of cinematic nonsense, defying death, logic, and several core rules of physics. He eventually slew the creature and screamed his legend into the sky before passing out in dramatic fashion. Meanwhile, his troops were utterly useless.

—

FORT AETHERIN FALLS: LUMINETH CLAIM THE COAST
Lumineth Realm-lords (Mercenaries) 46 – 10 Seraphon (Order)

The gleaming fortress of Fort Aetherin has changed hands, as the Lumineth Realm-lords pried it from Order’s grasp with the grace of a surgeon and the subtlety of an exploding sun.

Despite the Seraphon’s celestial foresight, they were completely outmanoeuvred. The Lumineth now hold the fort and have already begun converting it into a mindfulness retreat.

—

STORMCAST CIVIL STRIFE: THE EMBERSTONE CONFLICT
Stormcast Eternals (Mercenaries) 28 – 24 Stormcast Eternals (Order)

In the gloom of Fort Aetherin’s outer forest, Stormcast fought Stormcast as Lord Veritant Achillus led his cursed Mercenary host in search of Emberstone shards to cure their reforging affliction. They were met by Knight Draconis Stigar and his dragons, determined to stop them.

Though Order brought drakefire and thunder, Achillus’ strategy and grim determination saw him hold the field. The Mercenaries solidify their claim over Fort Aetherin.

—

A WHIRLWIND OF WHISKERS: SKAVEN DECIMATE CITIES OF SIGMAR
Skaven (Mercenaries) 42 – 18 Cities of Sigmar (Order)

Marshal Growlholt’s Troglodyte Hunt was overwhelmed by a Skaven force under Warlord Vester in an absolutely chaotic rout.

The Skaven surged from tunnels, shadows, and thin air. Commanders were picked off, formations dissolved, and war machines disabled as the horde swept across the field. Only a few defenders lived long enough to regret it.

Warlord Vester has declared victory and started gnawing on the remains of Growlholt’s Hurricanum. The Mercenary hold on Fort Aetherin is now near-total.

—

IRONJAWZ CRUSHED IN THE FOREST OF BONES
Stormcast Eternals (Order) 60 – 1 Ironjawz (Destruction)

Lord Ignias of the Dawnforged Host returned to the field with vengeance in his heart and Sigmar’s storm in his eyes. Marching into the Forest of Bones, he met a mob of Ironjawz led by Megaboss Rog and Shaman Bog.

The Stormcast struck like divine retribution. Brutes were eliminated, the Megaboss fell, and the Ironjawz were routed. As the rain fell and silence returned to the haunted trees, the Stormcast raised the walls of a new outpost:

Fort Ignax now stands in the heart of the forest, a testament to honour reclaimed.

—

DA BAD MOON RISES: GLOOMSPITE GITZ GOBBLE BONES AND LAND
Gloomspite Gitz (Destruction) 36 – 20 Ossiarch Bonereapers (Death)

In a turn of events that will haunt Death’s war-council for weeks to come, a rampaging horde of Gloomspite Gitz overran the Ossiarch Bonereapers in the murky lowlands between the Swamp of Bones and The Maw.

The Bonereapers, efficient and unyielding as ever, were simply buried beneath bouncing squigs and mushroom-fuelled madness. The region has now been claimed and renamed by the victorious gitz as… Gork’s Chin.

—

STATE OF THE REALMS

—

STRATEGIC SNAPSHOT

Mercenaries control Fort Aetherin with an iron grip (and several rats).

Order has taken the Forest of Bones and built Fort Ignax, renaming the region as Fort Ignax as well.

Death continues to hold the north and crewps onward.

Chaos appears disorganised but still dangerous.

Destruction remains… enthusiastically confused.


Diplomatic Drama of the Week:
In an unexpected turn, Warlord Vester of the Skaven has defected from the Mercenaries and pledged himself to the Chaos alliance. When asked for a statement, Vester responded:

“Bigger better army, more war, more snacks, yes-yes! Mercenary contract was too many rules, not enough explosions!“

This has caused widespread confusion with several contractual lawsuits (mostly written in glyphs). The Chaos alliance has yet to formally respond, though Lu Bu was seen nodding solemnly while sharpening his halberd.

RAVAGED COAST WEATHER REPORT

Forecast courtesy of the Collegiate Arcane’s least stable meteorologist

The Forest of Bones – Scattered thunderstorms with a high chance of divine intervention. Fort Ignax experiencing mild drizzle and heavy brooding.

Bay of Bones – Fog levels remain impenetrable. Visibility is now legally a rumour. Undead activity expected to increase toward dusk.

Fort Aetherin – Warp-lightning showers continue, with intermittent ratquakes. Residents advised to avoid all suspicious burrow openings. Again.

The Maw – Unseasonably warm. Blood mist advisory in effect through to Sundawn. Do not lick anything.

Astral Warning:
Due to increased celestial interference, stars are no longer reliable for navigation. Please consult a licensed seer, your dreams, or a shouting Skaven for guidance.

COMING NEXT WEEK

“The Fall of Fort Aetherin?” Can Order rally before the rats redecorate?

Lu Bu’s Memoirs, Volume II: “How I Yelled a Drake to Death and You Can Too!”

A Deep Dive into Fort Ignax New bastion or glorified tent with attitude?

Plus: Letters to the Editor, Realm Cuisine Reviews (hint: don’t eat the emberstone), and our exclusive look at Destruction’s Grand Strategy: “Hit It Until It’s Not There.”

When You Gaze Into the Maw, the Maw Gazes Back (and Then Charges)

Previous Issues

Issue 3

Issue 2

Issue 1

Introduction

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STRATEGY, STALEMATES & STIRRING OF THE MAW

The Ravaged Coast groaned under fresh boots, bones, and bad decisions as the second campaign round comes to a close and the third round starts with a flurry of maps, missed appointments, and massive territorial plays.

While actual battles were few this week, the movements on the campaign map have made intentions clear. 

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BONEREAPERS WIN VIA BONES AND BUREAUCRACY Ossiarch Bonereapers (Death) 39 v 20 Maggotkin of Nurgle (Destruction)

What is more horrifying than a wall of pestilent flesh? A spreadsheet. The Maggotkin of Nurgle failed to report for battle, leaving the Bonereapers to claim victory by default.

With the festering forces of Nurgle a no-show, Death tightened its cold grip on the Bay of Bones, adding “strategic punctuality” to their growing list of unholy talents.

—

STORMCAST WIN THE WAR OF SCHEDULING
Stormcast Eternals (Order) 39 – 20 Ironjawz (Merc)

Once again, the battlefield remained eerily quiet, not for lack of eagerness but for lack of Ironjawz. The Stormcast, ever ready, polished their warplate, checked their sigmarite watches, and waited.

The Ironjawz did not arrive.

By the laws of the Realm (and campaign organiser), Order seized the opportunity to undermine Death’s hold on the Forest of Bones. The real victory? Time management.

—

LUMINETH CLAIM THE COAST AND SOME DIGNITY
Lumineth Realm-lords (Merc) 24 – 18 Disciples of Tzeentch (Chaos)

At last, a proper game! Steel met spellfire as the Lumineth clashed with the Disciples of Tzeentch in a tightly contested engagement near the Bay of Bones. Though Tzeentch’s schemes were many (and colourful), it was the Mercenaries who prevailed.

Their reward? The unclaimed coastal lands west of the Bay, now swathed in mystic light and passive-aggressive meditation gardens.

—

STATE OF THE REALMS

STRATEGIC SHUFFLING: FORCES POISE TO STRIKE

With round three kicking off in, the factions have declared their grand intentions.

Order and Mercenaries have thrown the gauntlet across the waters, launching a massive cross-channel push between Vesterburrow and Fort Atherin. Whether this results in a glorious conquest or some very soggy Stormcast remains to be seen.

Death, ever the ambitious cartographers, have turned westward out of the Bay of Bones. Rumours suggest they plan to rename every region they conquer after different varieties of ossified sediment.

Chaos have gone all-in on a major offensive into The Maw, aiming to claim the gaping scar of land currently held by Death.

Destruction, true to form, has attacked everywhere at once. Like an avalanche of fists and bad decisions, they have hurled themselves into multiple regions in what one unnamed Orruk called “a coordinated krump”.

—

REALM WEATHER REPORT
Fog in the Forest of Bones, lightning over Fort Atherin, and a 70% chance of bad omens everywhere else. Tread carefully.

COMING NEXT WEEK

“What Is the Maw Anyway?” A philosophical debate cut short by screaming.

“Battle Ready or Battle Rescheduled?” The continuing war against calendar chaos

Published by the Free City of Woehammer, for as long as it still stands.

Previous Issues

Issue 2

Issue 1

Introduction

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WAVES OF WAR WASH THE WILDS!

The Ravaged Coast shudders under the iron boots, clawed feet, and spectral tread of warbands vying for dominance in this latest week of our Path to Glory campaign. The battlefields stretch from the coast of Fort Aetherin to the peaks of the Gork’s Teef, and every inch is soaked in blood, ash, and ill intent.

This week, the realms saw eight brutal conflicts, shifting allegiances, and yet more suspiciously well-fed rats. Death surged with spectral vengeance, Order splintered, Destruction stumbled, and Chaos… well, they fought ghosts and spiders in a haunted house. Here’s what happened:


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SKAVEN STRIKE BACK: THE BBQ IS NOT CANCELLED! Skaven (Chaos) 42 v 22 Gloomspite Gitz (Destruction)

The Skaven repelled the Gitz from threatening The Maw and secured Chaos‘ control over their delightfully titled stronghold, The BBQ You Ain’t Invited To. Fighting spirits last week and spiders this week (Spirits & Spiders, good pub name, we note), the rats pulled off another grisly win. Feeling like they’re fighting in a haunted house, the rats expect to fight evil clowns next week. The Horned Rat approves, though, as almost no one survived. So everyone’s happy.

—

MERCENARY STORMCAST BLOW UP CITIES DREAMS Stormcast Eternals (Mercenaries) 32 v 20 Cities of Sigmar (Order)

Growlholt’s dreams of a peaceful settlement were fried by lightning and stabbed by a giant sword, as confused alliances and even more confused battle tactics ended in a tactical retreat.

The mercenary Stormcast, bolstered by their bleak and brooding outlook (and actual storm magic), dropped in like divine anvils. Davelga fell. Growlholt was punctured. The expedition nearly shattered, yet they survived. Just.

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SIGMARITES HOLD THE LINE IN VESTERBURROW Stormcast Eternals (Order) 32 v 20 Disciples of Tzeentch (Mercenaries)

The Hammers of Stigar clashed with the change-happy Tzaangors over vital Emberstone resources. What began as a confident defense of Vesterburrow by the Mercenaries ended in a firestorm, as the battlefield ignited.

The Stormcast secured a narrow victory, but at heavy cost. The field now smoulders, and both sides lick wounds.

—

GRAVELORDS GRIND DARKNESS INTO DUST Soulblight Gravelords (Death) 40 v 10 Slaves to Darkness (Chaos)

Lu Bu once again finds himself humiliated by creatures barely larger than his boots. More rats. More flames. More boats on fire. No honour.

The Gravelords wrest control of the Bay of Bones from Chaos, adding the region to their rotting empire.

—

SKAVEN CHEW THROUGH SCALES Skaven (Mercenaries) 46 v 12 Seraphon (Order)

In Fort Aetherin, the Seraphon fell to a tide of cunning rodents. Clanrats died by the dozen, but their deaths inspired the Terror Claws to flank and the Ground & Pound to deliver a killer blow to the Slaan general.

A lizard without its brain goes down fast. The warp-lightning-fueled vermin rejoice as Order’s grip on the region weakens.

—

THE HAUNTED TIDE CRUSHES IRONJAWZ Nighthaunt (Death) 46 v 12 Ironjawz (Destruction)

Ghosts rose from the waves. The Ironjawz charged in anyway. Rog called them “just fish.” Rog was wrong.

The Nighthaunt overwhelmed the brutes in the Swamp of Bones. Rog retreated, his pride bruised, his boyz wetter than they’d like. Charon, commander of the dead, sank once more into the water, victorious.

—

MEGA-GARGANT MAYHEM: ZOKUL SMASHES BONES (BARELY) Sons of Behemat (Destruction) 28 v 26 Ossiarch Bonereapers (Death)

Zokul, war stomper supreme, led a devastating charge into the swamp only to lose his two companions to bone artillery before they got halfway there. Alone, enraged, and unstoppable, Zokul pulped his way through to a narrow win.

Victory? Technically. Satisfying? Not quite. His lads will not be falling again. He made sure of that.

—

DEATH CLAIMS THE FOREST OF BONES Soulblight Gravelords (Death) 56 v 26 Stormcast Eternals (Order)

With a powerful surge, the Gravelords pushed out of the Swamp of Bones and seized the land leading to Fort Aetherin. They renamed it The Forest of Bones, presumably because “Cursed Dead Tree Place” didn’t have the same ring to it.

Order faltered. Death rises.

—

BILLIOUS & TEDDURAK TAKE AN EXCELLENT ADVENTURE TO THE MAW Sons of Behamat (Destruction) 36 v 36 Beasts of Chaos (Chaos)

Unfortunately for Billious and Teddurak, their journey into The Maw did not bring the expected bone-crunchin’, zombie-puntin’, ghost-munchin’ carnage (though Billious swears ghosts have a crunchy exterior, he may not know what “crunchy” means).

Instead, the duo encountered a disorganized stampede of goats, horses, and goat-horses. The plains became a chaotic rodeo, with the gargants distracted and delighted by the chase. Laughing, roaring, and spooking the horde of chaos beasts, they accomplished absolutely nothing of strategic value. But they had a fantastic time doing it.

—

STATE OF THE REALMS – MAP RECAP

Death surges, taking the Bay of Bones and Forest of Bones, and increasing its hold on the Swamp of Bones. Many say their naming conventions are dull, but we understand it to be a stroke of tactical genius. After all, if the enemy is confused about where they are… “We go across the Bay of Bones, landing at the forest of Bones before heading into the Swamp of Bones… wait… was it left or right at the tree of Bones?”

Rumours are circling that the Maw may be renamed as the Maw of Bones….

Destruction wobbles, failing to gain new territory and losing influence.

Chaos holds its BBQ, stopping Destruction’s push.

Order fights itself, with Mercenaries both helping and hurting their cause.

Mercenaries remain confusing but effective, holding Vesterburrow despite setbacks.

—

EDITOR’S NOTE

It has come to our attention that some readers found last week’s Gazette “alarmist,” “unprofessional,” or “a thinly veiled chaos propaganda sheet.” To this, we say: thank you for reading!

We remain committed to providing sensationalised, slightly biased, Emberstone-fueled coverage of this ever-burning realm war. Also, if anyone sees our intern (last seen muttering about ghosts and clowns), please return them to Woehammer.

We’re two weeks into our Path to Glory map campaign – rules are here.

Each alliance has their own secret mission to fulfill as well as trying to conquer as much of the territory as they can in 12 campaign rounds. However, should any one alliance claim at least 50% of the map, the campaign immediately ends in their victory.

We’ve finished our first campaign round. The Grand Alliances are currently plotting their next moves….

BREAKING: The Heavens Roar, the Swamp Burbles, and the Horses Have Fangs

As the curtain falls on the first two weeks of conflict in the Path to Glory campaign, one truth emerges: war is messy, swampy, and occasionally feverish.

At Fort Atherin, Stormcast forces of the Argent Convent clashed with a coven of Tzeentch in a battle that looked less like a fair fight and more like Sigmar himself decided to send a very loud message. The Disciples of Tzeentch, led by a Gaunt Summoner likely regretting every single spell he ever cast, found their schemes unraveling. While the Tzaangor line bravely attempted to slow the onslaught, it was ultimately the Prosecutors that shredded the backline like celestial blenders. Victory was not just achieved; it was ascended. Fort Atherin is now securely in Sigmarite hands, purified of corruption, and possibly scented with divine pine.

Meanwhile, in a place called the Rotwood, a much grittier tale unfolded. Stormcast mercenaries, led by a fearless Knight-Zephos, engaged the Kruleboyz of Gollok Swampcrawla in a fog-choked meatgrinder of a battle. Gollok himself nearly secured a heroic swampy victory before being pummeled into an unrecognisable smear by very angry hammers. Witnesses claim Gollok’s body vanished, either spirited away by his loyal boyz or absorbed by the swamp who is said to have opinions. Though bloodied, the Stormcast held the field. The swamp, predictably, remains horrid.

Strategic Overview: Alliances Prepare for Round Two

With territory claimed, blood spilled, and questionable music echoing across the lowlands, the Grand Alliances are drawing up battle plans for the next wave of conquest.

The brutish hordes of Destruction are stampeding west, eager to claim The Maw and the delightfully dreary Swamp of Bones as their own. Meanwhile, the forces of Order, ever the strategists, are focusing their efforts on securing the chilly island of Vesterburrow up north because nothing says civilization like a windswept rock in the sea.

Chaos, never ones to miss a chance to ruin a good time, are spreading south like a bad rash and eyeing the Wyld Plains, The Maw and the oh-so-welcoming Isles of the Damned. Not to be outdone, the legions of Death are shambling toward the Bay of Bones, eager to pry it back from Chaos’ grubby claws, all while making sure they don’t get boxed in like last week’s corpses.

And then there are the Mercenaries trying to scoop up the remaining northern isles while sneakily pushing eastward to see what loot (or victims) they can find.

Stay tuned for next week’s special feature: “Is It Still a Siege if They Just Run Through the Wall?”. A tactical deep-dive with people who should know better.

We’re a week into our Path to Glory map campaign – rules are here. After a week of fighting it’s time to report on the first week of the campaign.

Each alliance has their own secret mission to fulfill as well as trying to conquer as much of the territory as they can in 12 campaign rounds. However, should any one alliance claim at least 50% of the map, the campaign immediately ends in their victory.

We’re halfway through our first campaign round.

Death Unleashed as the Ravaged Coast is Plunged into Emberstone Madness

Green Tide Rises!
Gork’s Teef Claims First Fang

We ‘eard rumours that the shiny sky disc lands sumwhere on da ova side of da mountain. We got ova dere, but it woz landin’ sumwhere in da water. So obvs we stole some humie boat and went huntin’, only ta see sum giant frog and his musical lizards ‘ad stolen it.

We smashed dat frog and sent ‘im back to whereva’ he came from. We found a magic sword ‘an all, ‘an sum shint fire stones on his boat, but he musta smashed up da sky disc ta keep for ‘imself! Bog reckons we can use it ta get stronger, so I says it’s time ta get more of it! – Megaboss Slangster

Ironjawz (Destruction) 33 v 26 Seraphon (Order)

Rats… With a Plan?
Skaven Skitter Through Ghosts, Take Their Lunch Money

In a result that suprised absolutely no one except the Nighthaunt, Skaven under Grey Seer Zaza chewed through spectral foes in a hauntingly one-sided match 42-7. That’s not a battle, that’s a rat buffet.

Yes Yes good victory is good, yes! …stupid clanrats are good-good warriors… not the verminlord… this god doesn’t respect my authority yet… I’ll find a way, yes-yes…. – Skaven Grey seer Zaza

Skaven (Chaos) 42 v 7 Nighthaunt (Death)

Bonereapers Claim Their Due

In what appears to be the worst surprise party, a warherd of the Beasts of Chaos launched a thunderous ambush on the Bonereapers as they marched towards the region they call the Maw. Unfortunately for the horned horrors, the Bonereapers weren’t in the mood for suprises… or mercy.

Eyewitnesses (mostly terrified local spirits) report the Bonereaper commander calmly reorganising their phalanx mid-stampede. muttering something about “inefficient charging patterns“.

Ossiarch Bonereapers (Death) 32 v 25 Beasts of Chaos (Chaos)

Chaos Warband Meets Suprise Rodent Invasion

BuiltLikeBrody and his Chaos Warband were left stunned as the mercenary Skaven of Kalex ambushed him and tore his small force to shreds. His warcry “They didn’t fight me fair!” echoes off the burning ruins. 47 v 4

The Skaven general Vester shared his battleplan with us afterwards:

The man-things ride upon massive horses clad in black armour. It took great-great cunning to defeat such a foe! I knew that if we surrounded man-things, shot them to ribbons, and then stabbed the remains, then we would win great-great victory!

Skaven (Mercenaries) 47 v 4 Slaves to Darkness (Chaos)

Hammers of Stigar Learn to Swim

A noble march from Fort Atherin turned tragic as the Stormcast stumbled into the path of the Sodden Crew, a deathly cabal of pirate-skeletons hybrids who are exactly as terrifying as that sounds. The storm broke – but not in their favour. Swiftly overwhelmed, the Hammers retreated, licking their wounds.

Soulblight Gravelords (Death) 42 v 12 Stormcast Eternals (Order)

Light Breaks Bone!
Lumineth Mercenaries Shine Bright in Clash at Dawn

In a dazzling display of radiant arrogance and magical precision, a band of Lumineth Realm-lords cut through the Bonereapers like a sunbeam through cobwebs. The battlefield glowed with aetherquartz brilliance as the mercenary elves danced circles around the slow, unyielding ranks of the Ossiarch Legions.

Despite their rigid formations and unsettling bone sermons, the Bonereapers were left staggering under volleys of blinding light and razor-sharp technique. One elf was seen adjusting his sash mid-duel, muttering, “Ugh, so dusty…” before cleaving through a Mortek Guard.

Victory went to the Lumineth, as the last Bonereaper was politely escorted off the field by a sentient beam of moonlight.

Sources confirm that the elves are already arguing over whose posture was most flawless during the fight.

Lumineth Realm-lords (Mercenaries) 36 v 16 Ossiarch Bonereapers (Death)

Fangs Over Fungus!
Soulblight Gravelords Claim the Swamp of Bones in Blood-Soaked Brawl

The Swamp of Bones lived up to its name this week as the Soulblight Gravelords clashed with the ever-chaotic Gloomspite Gitz. The air was thick with spores, shrieks, and a deeply unsettling giggling… until the dead began to rise.

Despite the Gitz launching wave after wave of frothing lunatics (some armed with squigs, others with what might’ve been mouldy hamsters), the vampires kept their composure and their thirst. The swamp ran red as the Gravelords turned the tide with a combination of necromantic fury and old-fashioned biting.

One surviving Git was heard yelling, “I fink I bit ‘im first!” Before being promptly re-bit and added to the growing ranks of the undead.

Soulblight Gravelords 36 v 26 Gloomspite Gitz (Destruction)

Map Watch – Week One

Destruction now rules both Gork’s Teef and Mork’s Teef, marking Destruction as the loudest threat.

Death controls the Isles of the Damned, the Maw, and the Swamp of Bones. They also briefly laid claim to the Bay of Bones before losing it to a counter attack from Chaos.

Fort Atherin stands firm for Order, but they find themselves at loggerheads with Mercenaries to the north.

Chaos‘ BBQ is burning strong as they claimed the Bay of Bones from Death.

The northern Mercenaries have so far been successful in stopping Order expanding northwards by claiming the island to the north. Meanwhile, their other forces expand eastward.