The Unofficial Voice of the Woehammer Path to Glory Campaign

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Issue 4

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Issue 1

Introduction

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CIVIL WARS, RAT SWARMS, AND UNDEAD VICTORIES — ROUND THREE BREAKS THE MAP

As the Mortal Realms erupt into the third campaign round, one might hope for peace, diplomacy, or even just a quiet patch of unclaimed real estate. Instead, we got Skaven tunnelling through the floor, Stormcast fighting Stormcast, Lu Bu yelling at dragons, and a new fort being founded in a rain-drenched graveyard.

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LU BU VS. DRAGON: CHAOS HERO YELLS ENTIRE ESSAY WHILE KILLING A BONE MONSTER
Soulblight Gravelords (Death) 56 – 18 Slaves to Darkness (Chaos)

The newly named Cairn of Bones was shaken this week by one of the most dramatic duels the campaign has seen. As the Soulblight Gravelords unleashed an undead dragon upon the Slaves to Darkness, the Chaos warriors promptly fell apart, except for Lu Bu, who delivered a monologue so powerful it may have echoed into Ghur.

Charging the dragon alone, Lu Bu battled the beast across four turns of cinematic nonsense, defying death, logic, and several core rules of physics. He eventually slew the creature and screamed his legend into the sky before passing out in dramatic fashion. Meanwhile, his troops were utterly useless.

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FORT AETHERIN FALLS: LUMINETH CLAIM THE COAST
Lumineth Realm-lords (Mercenaries) 46 – 10 Seraphon (Order)

The gleaming fortress of Fort Aetherin has changed hands, as the Lumineth Realm-lords pried it from Order’s grasp with the grace of a surgeon and the subtlety of an exploding sun.

Despite the Seraphon’s celestial foresight, they were completely outmanoeuvred. The Lumineth now hold the fort and have already begun converting it into a mindfulness retreat.

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STORMCAST CIVIL STRIFE: THE EMBERSTONE CONFLICT
Stormcast Eternals (Mercenaries) 28 – 24 Stormcast Eternals (Order)

In the gloom of Fort Aetherin’s outer forest, Stormcast fought Stormcast as Lord Veritant Achillus led his cursed Mercenary host in search of Emberstone shards to cure their reforging affliction. They were met by Knight Draconis Stigar and his dragons, determined to stop them.

Though Order brought drakefire and thunder, Achillus’ strategy and grim determination saw him hold the field. The Mercenaries solidify their claim over Fort Aetherin.

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A WHIRLWIND OF WHISKERS: SKAVEN DECIMATE CITIES OF SIGMAR
Skaven (Mercenaries) 42 – 18 Cities of Sigmar (Order)

Marshal Growlholt’s Troglodyte Hunt was overwhelmed by a Skaven force under Warlord Vester in an absolutely chaotic rout.

The Skaven surged from tunnels, shadows, and thin air. Commanders were picked off, formations dissolved, and war machines disabled as the horde swept across the field. Only a few defenders lived long enough to regret it.

Warlord Vester has declared victory and started gnawing on the remains of Growlholt’s Hurricanum. The Mercenary hold on Fort Aetherin is now near-total.

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IRONJAWZ CRUSHED IN THE FOREST OF BONES
Stormcast Eternals (Order) 60 – 1 Ironjawz (Destruction)

Lord Ignias of the Dawnforged Host returned to the field with vengeance in his heart and Sigmar’s storm in his eyes. Marching into the Forest of Bones, he met a mob of Ironjawz led by Megaboss Rog and Shaman Bog.

The Stormcast struck like divine retribution. Brutes were eliminated, the Megaboss fell, and the Ironjawz were routed. As the rain fell and silence returned to the haunted trees, the Stormcast raised the walls of a new outpost:

Fort Ignax now stands in the heart of the forest, a testament to honour reclaimed.

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DA BAD MOON RISES: GLOOMSPITE GITZ GOBBLE BONES AND LAND
Gloomspite Gitz (Destruction) 36 – 20 Ossiarch Bonereapers (Death)

In a turn of events that will haunt Death’s war-council for weeks to come, a rampaging horde of Gloomspite Gitz overran the Ossiarch Bonereapers in the murky lowlands between the Swamp of Bones and The Maw.

The Bonereapers, efficient and unyielding as ever, were simply buried beneath bouncing squigs and mushroom-fuelled madness. The region has now been claimed and renamed by the victorious gitz as… Gork’s Chin.

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STATE OF THE REALMS

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STRATEGIC SNAPSHOT

Mercenaries control Fort Aetherin with an iron grip (and several rats).

Order has taken the Forest of Bones and built Fort Ignax, renaming the region as Fort Ignax as well.

Death continues to hold the north and crewps onward.

Chaos appears disorganised but still dangerous.

Destruction remains… enthusiastically confused.


Diplomatic Drama of the Week:
In an unexpected turn, Warlord Vester of the Skaven has defected from the Mercenaries and pledged himself to the Chaos alliance. When asked for a statement, Vester responded:

“Bigger better army, more war, more snacks, yes-yes! Mercenary contract was too many rules, not enough explosions!“

This has caused widespread confusion with several contractual lawsuits (mostly written in glyphs). The Chaos alliance has yet to formally respond, though Lu Bu was seen nodding solemnly while sharpening his halberd.

RAVAGED COAST WEATHER REPORT

Forecast courtesy of the Collegiate Arcane’s least stable meteorologist

The Forest of Bones – Scattered thunderstorms with a high chance of divine intervention. Fort Ignax experiencing mild drizzle and heavy brooding.

Bay of Bones – Fog levels remain impenetrable. Visibility is now legally a rumour. Undead activity expected to increase toward dusk.

Fort Aetherin – Warp-lightning showers continue, with intermittent ratquakes. Residents advised to avoid all suspicious burrow openings. Again.

The Maw – Unseasonably warm. Blood mist advisory in effect through to Sundawn. Do not lick anything.

Astral Warning:
Due to increased celestial interference, stars are no longer reliable for navigation. Please consult a licensed seer, your dreams, or a shouting Skaven for guidance.

COMING NEXT WEEK

“The Fall of Fort Aetherin?” Can Order rally before the rats redecorate?

Lu Bu’s Memoirs, Volume II: “How I Yelled a Drake to Death and You Can Too!”

A Deep Dive into Fort Ignax New bastion or glorified tent with attitude?

Plus: Letters to the Editor, Realm Cuisine Reviews (hint: don’t eat the emberstone), and our exclusive look at Destruction’s Grand Strategy: “Hit It Until It’s Not There.”