This was a battle march action that I took part in as part of our larger Kasrabad campaign we’re running at our local club.
I had the great pleasure of facing off against Alex and his Wood Elves with my Grudgebringers. All credit for the battle report goes to Alex who had the presence of mind to make notes and take some pictures.
The battle itself was taking place over a strategic landmark on the centre of the table, which provided units with the stubborn special rule.
Thanks again to Alex for being a great sport!
The Forces
Facing off against Buttercup Flowerybottom and his Elven revolutionary army, Morgan Bernhardt brushed off the small bit of fletching stuck on him from the arrow which had sailed out of the woods,through the sky, and through his cape, leaving an incredibly small hole. He then led the Grudgebringer cavalry cautiously round the mystical ruined cottage ready to unleash a devestating cavalry charge. Meanwhile the grudgebringer infantry marched forward to claim the ruins. The crossbows and the canon scanned the tree line for any sign of where the shot could have come from.
Suddenly the central wood started to move, forwards, towards the ruin, dryads gambolled forwards getting slightly closer to the ruins than the grudgebringer infantry. Meanwhile arrows fell from the sky as the elves revealed themselves, two crossbowmen died before they had seen what had shot them, they then remembered they had a ward save, but failed that and died anyway. Meanwhile the cannon crew muttered something about “elf bullshit” as the glade riders ran away after shooting to almost perfectly hide behind the cottage to the left of the crossbowmen.
The Grudgebringer cavalry sounded their horn and began a glorious charge. The cowardly dryads ran, but tripped over the branches they had carelessly left lying on the ground and ran only 3”.
The cavalry galloped forwards, then stopped, for no obvious reason, the horses had pulled up short.
Morgan got distracted. He thought he saw a magic item lying on the floor.
“magic item found!”
This resulted in possibly the most doubley incompetent charge in the campaign so far. The dryads were now blocking the wild riders from charging, and stuck in them open, while the Grudgebringer cavalry were standing in the open in front of the Elven archers
The crossbowmen took aim and shot at the dryads, one bolt felled a dryad, who promptly then got up again.
Meanwhile the cannon crew had lined up a revenge shot on the sole glade rider they could see. There was an enormous bang and a cloud of smoke. The cannonball was accurate and hit the glade rider full in the face. Unfortunately at this point the crew realised they had fired a non-lethal training round and the slightly bemused elf shock its head sadly and decided it might be sensible to hide better next time.
They still had the rubber cannonballs loaded after the recent crowd control in Kasrabad after the uproar around Nark suggesting that missile weapons needed to be banned.
Buttercup urged the fleeing dryads to, just for once, stop being utterly rubbish. The dryads response was not printable due to the biological impossibility of being able to perform that act with the wide end of an antler
Bramble the branchwraith then stopped the, admittedly slow moving fleeing dryads herself and led them round to the rear of the woods so she could more easily perform her vital role of failing to cast spells. The elves unleashed another unimpressive volley of arrows, and one cavalryman fell from his horse. Meanwhile the glade riders continued circling the cottage to shoot and then hide. More elf bullshit…
With the dryads hiding, Morgan and the Grudgebringer cavalry had Buttecup and the wild riders in their sight. Morgan declared his second glorious charge of the game, first checking there was no magical detritus blocking his path. In response Buttercup and the wild flowerybottoms whooped and surged forwards, counter charging the charging cavalry.
After the artillery crew expertly turned one dryad into kindling, Morgan declared his intent to slay Buttercup Flowerybottom in single combat. Before he had finished listing his ancestors, he had to dodge to the side to avoid getting gored by Basil the moose’s antlers. Apparently intent on trying to prove that what the dryads had suggested was in fact possible.
Morgan thought to himself, that was close, then he saw that Buttercup’s spear had gone through the exact same hole that had been left in his cloak by the arrow at the start of the battle. As he thought to himself, “I really am lucky, he spotted that the spear was also sticking through his own torso on promptly collapsed. Meanwhile the wild flowerybottoms killed the Grudgebringer cavalry before they were able to strike back. The clatter of hooves continued as the flowerybottoms rode through and into Black’s avengers, who were waiting behind to loot the corpses of the elves.
As the Wild Flowerybottoms cut through the avengers, Bramble, as is traditional, failed to cast either of her spells, then led the dryads forwards, returning to the mystical ruin in the centre of the battlefield. The Grudgebringer infantry, edged out to the corner of the ruin and resigned themselves to getting charged by the frothing elves and very angry moose. The artillery crew spent several minutes lining up a perfect shot, then began sweating as the crossbowmen reformed in front of them to crest a new battleline.
As Allor the wizard cast a relatively inconsequential spell on the dryads, Bramble asked one of her sisters to hold her cup of sap and attempted a dispell. Promptly mid-dispelling(!) and killing the dryad holding her drink, and injuring herself.
The Grudgebearer infantry resolved to stand firm and hold the flank against the now blood soaked wild flowerybottoms. As they charged Buttercup screamed a challenge to any human brave enough to face him, the veteran officer, seeing a chance for glory stepped forwards, and got promptly repeatedly impaled by Buttercup’s now somewhat used spear. Meanwhile the rest of the wild riders and their steeds killed all but two of the front ranks of the Grudgebearer infantry. The final two, slightly bewildered survivors waved their swords about blindly in front of themselves and killed a wild rider. Despite this small victory the Grudgebearer infantry turned and fled, onwards rode the wild Flowerybottoms, and riding them down
But low! The Grudgebearer infantry had cunningly chosen to die right in front of the cannon, the crew of which had been hastlily shoving anything they could find into the barrel in anticipation
As the smoke cleared, the wild flowerybottoms had vanished in a cloud of cutlery, chicken bones, and remarkably sharp rubber cannon ball packaging
Undeterred, Buttercup and Basil charged into the cannon, which didn’t have time to reload. Meanwhile what was left of the dryads (after Bramble’s accidental magical explosion) charged the flank of the crossbowmen.
Basil and buttercup killed the cannon crew without slowing their stride, they then continued their chargers straight past Dietrich’s caravan and into the distance.
Meanwhile the dryads tore apart half the crossbowmen, accusing them of crimes against timber. Despite this vicious toll, the crossbowmen stood firm due to Allor’s ongoing laughter at Bramble nearly killing herself with a dispell filling their hearts with courage.
As Morgan Bernhardt crawled slowly along the ground that evening in the hope of getting back to the first aid kit in his caravan, he pondered how glorious his victory had been, he had the elves exactly where he needed them
Wood Elf Victory!