The Mortal Realms remain as sensible as ever.

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Issue 5

Issue 4

Issue 3

Issue 2

Issue 1

Introduction

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GIANTS, GHOSTS, RATS AND COWARDS

Another campaign week comes to a suitably chaotic close as allegiances twist, fortunes rise and fall, and some commanders simply refuse to even leave their tents. The Realms remain lively, utterly ridiculous, and more unstable than a Skaven engineering convention.

Let us review the latest triumphs, blunders, and heroically convenient retreats:

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GIANTS CLAIM THE MAW: TZEENTCH GETS SPEARED (LITERALLY)
Sons of Behemat (Destruction) 42 – 15 Disciples of Tzeentch (Chaos)

While exploring The Maw, the not-brothers Billious and Teddurak stumbled upon a broken staff of a Lord of Change. Naturally, Billious sharpened it into a spear and began throwing it at things.

The Disciples of Tzeentch objected. Loudly. And futilely.

The bird-goat-men were promptly flattened. Only a lone Shaman escaped with an emberstone cluster and the stolen staff, while Billious mourned the loss of his shiny new toy.

Destruction now temporarily controls The Maw, though the swirling Chaos forces loom close behind.

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SODDEN CREW HOLDS STRONG: GRAVELORDS DRENCH THE CAIRN OF BONES IN VICTORY
Soulblight Gravelords (Death) 39 – 29 Skaven (Chaos)

The Sodden Crew once again repelled a Chaos-aligned Skaven warband seeking to claim the Cairn of Bones. Despite swarming numbers and warpstone lunacy, the Skaven were dragged into the muck by the unrelenting dead.

The Cairn of Bones remains firmly under Death’s clawed grasp.

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THE EXILES OF THE READING ROOM RETURN: TZEENTCH STRIKES BACK
Disciples of Tzeentch (Mercenaries) 39 – 16 Ossiarch Bonereapers (Death)

Magister Kazem’s Exiles of the Reading Room launched their latest assault into the Cairn of Bones, overwhelming the Bonereapers with precise arcane firepower and rigorous footnoting.

Death’s hold over the Cairn now grows tenuous, as Mercenary influence grows.

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BLOODY STALEMATE: STORMCAST AND BEASTS CLASH TO DRAW
Beasts of Chaos (Chaos) 38 – 38 Stormcast Eternals (Order)

A ferocious battle between Stormcast and Beasts of Chaos ended in a perfect draw. Neither side yielded, neither side advanced, and both sides departed bloodied but unbowed. The Realms remain unchanged, but significantly messier.

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GIANTS SMASH IRONJAWZ TO CLAIM THE SWAMP OF BONES
Sons of Behemat (Destruction) 52 – 12 Ironjawz (Mercenaries)

In their second rampage of the week, the giants crashed through the Swamp of Bones, stomping the Mercenary Ironjawz flat.

Destruction now technically controls the Swamp of Bones, though only barely. Local observers compare their hold to “trying to carry soup in your hands while sprinting.”

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THE MAW WHISPERS: NIGHTHAUNT CLAIM BLOODLESS VICTORY
Nighthaunt (Death) win by concession over Maggotkin of Nurgle (Chaos)

In perhaps the most cowardly surrender of the war thus far, the Maggotkin took one look at the ghostly Nighthaunt forces and simply refused to fight.

Without a single swing of a scythe, the Nighthaunt reclaim The Maw. The battlefield was haunted anyway, just for practice.

STATE OF THE REALMS

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STRATEGIC SNAPSHOT

Destruction now holds the Swamp of Bones (barely).

Death clings to the Cairn of Bones while regaining The Maw.

Chaos continues to surge and scheme but suffers costly setbacks.

Order holds its ground, but pressure mounts on all fronts.

Mercenaries remain deeply embedded in the politics of arcane meddling.

RAVAGED COAST WEATHER REPORT

Forecast courtesy of the Collegiate Arcane’s least stable meteorologist

The Maw: Misty with 80% chance of regret.

Cairn of Bones: Bone-dry with patchy Skaven outbreaks.

Swamp of Bones: Consistently damp, surprisingly slippery.

General Outlook: Chaotic with scattered doom.